TIM: The Return Of The Lord

the return of the LORD::

in a random mood after just pulling - ready for sleep but also want to type.

new word: Lording.

Sarge is dead. Because its a word for guys who go and TRY to pick up chicks - NOT guys that OFFER VALUE (like us!).
I no longer go out - i LORD over a club. LORDING is where pimps do their thing. There is no TRY in LORD, only DO. Its a GIVEN to fuck hot girls if you are LORDING a venue.

Ok so here is my recent lording adventures for those internet cats who love the girlys.

Preinfo: This close friend of mine is a non-escalator. I mean hes great with girls just doesnt escalate hence, choded out. I once had sex a girl at his house and didnt hang out with her - to which she stole and smashed all the stuff in his front yard thinking it was my house when I wouldnt call her - ANYWAY another time for that story.

So close friend has had some pretty cute orbiter girls on the go since I have returned. They need sex from somewhere, right?

The orbitfest saga begins>

Girl1: I head out to our usual big night. Lots of people I know in this big dance club...
I spy one of the orbiters lurking in the crowd. I hit her up. Open her with "I like salad"... then I start playing the KILLER plotline im doing right now of you and I used to date... heres how it goes...

At a highpoint...

chariot: "Hey remember when we used to date, like three years ago!?"
girl: "Ummm no - what?"
chariot: (playfully distressed) "Oh! What! I knew you would forget our special times together"
girl: "Hahaha - oh yeah, sure um I remember, ha"
chariot: "Good well... um you know how we never kept secrets... i have a secret I need to get off my chest"
girl: "Haha - ok... what is it hahah"

Then I basically tell them I cheated on them with all seven of her friends. To which they buckle over laughing - then I grab them and go "Shhhhh its ok, I know" all consoling and they love it. Try it. You have to be congruent though. Also needs to be when the girls LIKE you not think you are chode. Ive seen some disasters.

Anyway orbiter1 is full on the go - shes down. For sex. So what do I do? start chatting to other girls around me. She is sitting there taking it like a good little orbit girl. Then she starts trying to compete for attention when this old boss of mine when I used to work for behind a bar comes and flat out starts tounging me down hardcore - out of nowhere... grabbing me and saying how hot ive become and shit... ummm ok. Orbit1 is spun out...

Its time to get out of this rubbish going on... so I spy another cutie blonde and decide to hit her up... Classic story opinion opener, "what would your stripper name be", grab caveman style and say I think shes adorable. Cuteyblonde starts testing me saying "your a player blah blah". Good. Then I see it. Stalker style. Yep - this girl is gone. After ten minutes of pure game the girl is GONE. She starts CARESSING my hand LOVINGLY and giving me the LOVE EYES OF DESIRE. Oh fuck. I just want to enjoy my night and have fun... I feel it - A stalker case. Then it starts.

Cuteyblonde starts saying "OMG you picked me... you could have any girl here. Why did you want me? I want you. Dont leave me? Why are you looking over there? why do you talk to other girls? Dont you want me anymore? chariot?! Dont leave me!?

Damn! She is all over me. Which is ok - but i am DISGUSTED by the neediness of this girl. Now I know how hot girls feel around chodes.

I grab orbiter1 and tell her the stalker story - she suggests we go back to her house for a swim. Im down. We get in a cab and travel... and travel... and travel... where the hell is this place?!?! Turns out about and $90 cab ride from my house out in the middle of nowhere. She pays and we get out...

Its this Monster massive house.

tim: "Hey ahhh - who lives here?"
orbiter1: "Me, my mum, my dad and my brother"
tim: "Ohhh great"

We get in the pool im just in my boxers and she launches at me... were all hardcore in the pool when... noise... its MUM. Oh no. Out she comes - im trying to hide in shadows and stuff when i get the big introduction. Mum seems ok and all spaced out by the sleepiness. Im just worried about DAD.

SO we finish up in the pool and head to her room... quietly... where I do my thing. She passes out naked next to me I put clothes and stuff back on cos I dont want to be discovered by dad in the morning. I have trouble going to sleep cos im trying to plan quick escape routes.

three hours later: door opens. I pretend to be asleep but peek - its DAD. He looks around... then goes out - shutting the door behind him. SHIT! will he come back with a shotgun!?!? I wait five minutes, heart pounding and decide if hes not back by now hes ok. I wake orbiter up and tell her to take me home. Turns out we need to get DAD to take us to her car then she can drop me home... lovely

I get out of the room to which im welcomed by Mum, dad and Brother. Double great. They offer me breafast. Im cool. (i just want to get HOME...NOW...arrrgggh)
.... Im very nice to the Dad, we chat football and all that - i like him, he likes me.


Orbiter1 DONE.

2 nights later (tonight): I head out to same club - where Im greeted by psycho stalker girl again. Damn. I also meet Orbiter2 who is hotter... I get her number after I know she is down and eject with psycho stalker in tow. She will be next - wait for the report I Also got number closed by a girl I havent seen since I got back from the states... we are "hanging out" tomorrow her words.

So im back home. I just took psycho back to her house and phantomed her. She kept talking all love. I tell them simply one thing "I dont do girlfriends well right now... there are some wonderful guys out there who would be better than me at boyfriendy stuff" she seemed happy but there may be psycho backlash as soon as I see her again. Damn its fun lording over these clubs. I have chodes randomly introducing themselves to me... girls too... the door girls are all like "Heres the player guy again, who you pulling tonight!?" a bar girl who I will hit v soon grabbed my number tonight as well so im happy. Productive night... More adventures in chariots land of the lords to come.

Happy Lording. Abolish the sarge - LORD UP EVERYONE HERE


Tim