TODD: Failing To Spark
It's almost impossible to pick out someone's specific sticking point from description alone, but if you are getting a good initial response here are some of the most common causes I've seen for staling the set later.
1. Not escalating... escalation can take many forms
escalating conversation topic
physical escalation
isolation
venue changes
any of these is fine but if NONE of these things happen then the set isn't going anywhere.
2. Talking too much.
If you talk 100% of the time... STACK... STACK... STACK... then you establish the precedent that YOU are TALKING and SHE is LISTENING. This is dangerous because she gets in the habit of not contributing. Relationships are built on EMOTIONAL INVESTMENT... if she can't invest in the interaction she has no investment in YOU.
IMO the goal of any good pick-up is to GET HER TALKING... ideally about things that either you or she is passionate about.
3. Becoming "Question Chode"
Statements and stories create value... they add new information and perspectives to the intereaction.
Questions often diminish value... often men ask questions as a way of leaning on the other person to provide the "value" in the conversation.
Questions also often communicate an agenda because they are asked for the wrong reasons.
Consider the typical chode who says "Soooo... what do you do?"
What he's really saying is,
"I have nothing interesting to say and there's no reason whatsoever for me to keep talking to you, but I want something from you (probably sex) therefore I will try to keep the conversation going anyway by making you do the work."
Is that attractive?
4. Not allowing/creating tension.
In order to get a set you MUST be willing to lose it. Tension is sexual energy just waiting to be released.
If there's an awkward pause... don't always be the one to fill it in. Don't tease a girl then get scared and back down or apologize. Offend girls once in a while. If you aren't getting girls OCCASIONALLY upset, you aren't triggering enough emotions in them. If you make a strong statemtent and she doesn't seem to agree... stick to it anyway. The disagreement is healthy for the intereaction... that tension is budding sexual energy.
These may/may not be your particular sticking point (can't say for sure without actually SEEING your game), but given your description these seem like likely causes.
Todd
1. Not escalating... escalation can take many forms
escalating conversation topic
physical escalation
isolation
venue changes
any of these is fine but if NONE of these things happen then the set isn't going anywhere.
2. Talking too much.
If you talk 100% of the time... STACK... STACK... STACK... then you establish the precedent that YOU are TALKING and SHE is LISTENING. This is dangerous because she gets in the habit of not contributing. Relationships are built on EMOTIONAL INVESTMENT... if she can't invest in the interaction she has no investment in YOU.
IMO the goal of any good pick-up is to GET HER TALKING... ideally about things that either you or she is passionate about.
3. Becoming "Question Chode"
Statements and stories create value... they add new information and perspectives to the intereaction.
Questions often diminish value... often men ask questions as a way of leaning on the other person to provide the "value" in the conversation.
Questions also often communicate an agenda because they are asked for the wrong reasons.
Consider the typical chode who says "Soooo... what do you do?"
What he's really saying is,
"I have nothing interesting to say and there's no reason whatsoever for me to keep talking to you, but I want something from you (probably sex) therefore I will try to keep the conversation going anyway by making you do the work."
Is that attractive?
4. Not allowing/creating tension.
In order to get a set you MUST be willing to lose it. Tension is sexual energy just waiting to be released.
If there's an awkward pause... don't always be the one to fill it in. Don't tease a girl then get scared and back down or apologize. Offend girls once in a while. If you aren't getting girls OCCASIONALLY upset, you aren't triggering enough emotions in them. If you make a strong statemtent and she doesn't seem to agree... stick to it anyway. The disagreement is healthy for the intereaction... that tension is budding sexual energy.
These may/may not be your particular sticking point (can't say for sure without actually SEEING your game), but given your description these seem like likely causes.
Todd
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