TYLER: Being Cool VS Technique
Here is a synopsis of my current views on the topic of success with women.
Becoming good with women is basically a combination of two things:
1) Being a cool guy -- IE: WHAT GETS YOU ATTRACTION.
2) Opening conversations with strangers, hooking their attention, moving venues with them, isolating, and escalating -- IE: WHAT GETS YOU INTO THE RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME.
That's pretty much it.
Number two is the easy part. I can teach that to you in an evening out. Seriously -- eight year olds could be taught this stuff.
The hard part is number one. Becoming a cool guy. That's the part that actually makes girls ATTRACTED to you, not just engaged or entertained.
Now for a long time I've really promoted the technical aspects that are involved in number two, in the sense that I've disagreed with the guys who claim that it's *ALL* inner game and NOTHING ELSE.
Why have I taken that position?
Because what does a "guru" do when he has no real life experience with women to offer up in his course on how to get laid? He recycles a bunch of inner game stuff he got out of books and seminars (self-help, spiritual, NLP, or wherever else), twists the ideas to accomodate pickup, and takes the position of "it's ALL inner game!"
Beyond that, technique is important because there are plenty of cool guys with GREAT inner game, but who just don't know how to approach a stranger and push for escalation without being weird.
These days, though, I feel differently about the climate of our community. What's happened since ****'s book is that our community has moved in an extreme direction where people actually think that it's TECHNIQUE that gets them ATTRACTION.
Unlike most of the gurus, I still teach my own workshops as often as possible to stay in touch with the clientelle. You guys know me -- I'm meticulous to the point of being neurotic.. hence taking so long on the book, the specific website, the low ration on bootcamps, etc etc.. I have a specific way I want things done and I won't have it any other way.
So having stayed in touch with the workshops as much as possible, I've learned a lot about what clients are thinking. And what are most of them coming into workshop thinking? "I need to learn technique to get ATTRACTION."
The problem -- girls don't become attracted to you as a result of technique. You can use technique to disrupt their reality and to hook attention, but you will not build ATTRACTION with it. If you aren't a cool guy, as soon as you stop pushing the girl's buttons she will walk off. Period.
If you're a guy who can open any girl, get her giggling, but usually loses her as soon as the entertainment runs out -- THIS MEANS YOU.
Being a cool guy is what gets you attraction. What is being a cool guy? It's not complicated. Think back to high school, and the kids who were popular. Now don't glorify them -- most weren't getting laid all that much because they didn't know how to make it happen. But they WERE getting attraction from girls, which is the aspect that you can learn from.
So what do you study to become a cool guy? It's not complicated. All the stuff we talk about here -- having a strong reality, not caring what people think about you, having your own sense of humour, making people earn your validation, being able to vibe with people, etc etc..
Beyond that, it's about looking OUTSIDE for rolemodels on being an attractive person. Not just to a pickup guru, or even a "super dominant guy" -- but guys who are vibrant and positive and offer value to their environment without ever coming across like they're losing their power in the process. There are all sorts of guys out there like that, and you need to be paying attention to them. Not copying them, but just thinking about the place that they're coming from.
This doensn't come easy. Why?
Because if you're NOT a guy who has that stuff, IT TAKES TIME.
Everything we teach -- deep identity level change, authenticity, positivity -- it's all geared to moving you towards that end.
And ultimately, both "being cool" and "technique" are cultivated in the same way -- by going out.
So they're both important.
Tyler
Becoming good with women is basically a combination of two things:
1) Being a cool guy -- IE: WHAT GETS YOU ATTRACTION.
2) Opening conversations with strangers, hooking their attention, moving venues with them, isolating, and escalating -- IE: WHAT GETS YOU INTO THE RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME.
That's pretty much it.
Number two is the easy part. I can teach that to you in an evening out. Seriously -- eight year olds could be taught this stuff.
The hard part is number one. Becoming a cool guy. That's the part that actually makes girls ATTRACTED to you, not just engaged or entertained.
Now for a long time I've really promoted the technical aspects that are involved in number two, in the sense that I've disagreed with the guys who claim that it's *ALL* inner game and NOTHING ELSE.
Why have I taken that position?
Because what does a "guru" do when he has no real life experience with women to offer up in his course on how to get laid? He recycles a bunch of inner game stuff he got out of books and seminars (self-help, spiritual, NLP, or wherever else), twists the ideas to accomodate pickup, and takes the position of "it's ALL inner game!"
Beyond that, technique is important because there are plenty of cool guys with GREAT inner game, but who just don't know how to approach a stranger and push for escalation without being weird.
These days, though, I feel differently about the climate of our community. What's happened since ****'s book is that our community has moved in an extreme direction where people actually think that it's TECHNIQUE that gets them ATTRACTION.
Unlike most of the gurus, I still teach my own workshops as often as possible to stay in touch with the clientelle. You guys know me -- I'm meticulous to the point of being neurotic.. hence taking so long on the book, the specific website, the low ration on bootcamps, etc etc.. I have a specific way I want things done and I won't have it any other way.
So having stayed in touch with the workshops as much as possible, I've learned a lot about what clients are thinking. And what are most of them coming into workshop thinking? "I need to learn technique to get ATTRACTION."
The problem -- girls don't become attracted to you as a result of technique. You can use technique to disrupt their reality and to hook attention, but you will not build ATTRACTION with it. If you aren't a cool guy, as soon as you stop pushing the girl's buttons she will walk off. Period.
If you're a guy who can open any girl, get her giggling, but usually loses her as soon as the entertainment runs out -- THIS MEANS YOU.
Being a cool guy is what gets you attraction. What is being a cool guy? It's not complicated. Think back to high school, and the kids who were popular. Now don't glorify them -- most weren't getting laid all that much because they didn't know how to make it happen. But they WERE getting attraction from girls, which is the aspect that you can learn from.
So what do you study to become a cool guy? It's not complicated. All the stuff we talk about here -- having a strong reality, not caring what people think about you, having your own sense of humour, making people earn your validation, being able to vibe with people, etc etc..
Beyond that, it's about looking OUTSIDE for rolemodels on being an attractive person. Not just to a pickup guru, or even a "super dominant guy" -- but guys who are vibrant and positive and offer value to their environment without ever coming across like they're losing their power in the process. There are all sorts of guys out there like that, and you need to be paying attention to them. Not copying them, but just thinking about the place that they're coming from.
This doensn't come easy. Why?
Because if you're NOT a guy who has that stuff, IT TAKES TIME.
Everything we teach -- deep identity level change, authenticity, positivity -- it's all geared to moving you towards that end.
And ultimately, both "being cool" and "technique" are cultivated in the same way -- by going out.
So they're both important.
Tyler
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